


The Original Penpals

by endrega_Turtlesse



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Regency, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Amputee Bucky Barnes, Angst, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Established Relationship, Feels, Hopeful Ending, Insecure Bucky Barnes, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony is a genius because there is no world where he isn't, but we like them, dripping with love, even if I don't write it, for now, mentions of captivity, penpals, self-sacrificing idiots, they definitely end up happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24117934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endrega_Turtlesse/pseuds/endrega_Turtlesse
Summary: «My dearest Tony»Tony had received so many letters that started like this, and he had replied with so many «My dearest Bucky»s. But that was over two years ago. That was before the war, before Bucky's captivity, before Bucky inherited. Before Bucky ignored him for a year. This one, sadly, would surely not start like that.________________________Bucky knows he is not the man he used to be. He is only painfully aware of the difference, both physical and mental. For one, he has become a coward, because instead of setting Tony free, he had elected not to write back to the man for a year. Never mind the shaking if he so much as sits down to write the letter, he should be better. Stronger. Not so afraid of losing Tony that he keeps the man to a promise no sane person would expect to keep, simply because he cannot write to him.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 10
Kudos: 136
Collections: StarkBucksBingo2020, Tony Stark Bingo 2020





	The Original Penpals

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for the StarkBucks Bingo,  
> Title: The Original Penpals  
> Collaborator Name: endrega  
> Square filled: B1 - AU: Penpal  
> Ship / Main Paring: Tony Stark / James "Bucky" Barnes  
> Rating: Teen And Up Audiences  
> Major Tags & Triggers: Regency AU, Penpals, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Love Confessions, Established Relationship; mentions of captivity & ptsd  
> Summary: «My dearest Tony»   
> Tony had received so many letters that started like this, and he had replied with so many «My dearest Bucky»s. But that was over two years ago. That was before the war, before Bucky's captivity, before Bucky inherited. Before Bucky ignored him for a year. This one, sadly, would surely not start like that.  
> ________________________  
> Bucky knows he is not the man he used to be. He is only painfully aware of the difference, both physical and mental. For one, he has become a coward, because instead of setting Tony free, he had elected not to write back to the man for a year. Never mind the shaking if he so much as sits down to write the letter, he should be better. Stronger. Not so afraid of losing Tony that he keeps the man to a promise no sane person would expect to keep, simply because he cannot write to him.  
> Word Count: 2395
> 
> and the Tony Stark Bingo.  
> Name of piece, Rating, Pairing, Summary: (see above)  
> Name of participant: endrega23  
> Card number: 3097  
> Square number and prompt: A4 - Schmoop  
> Warnings: Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tony sat down at his dressing table with trepidation. The letter lay before him, unopened, and as hard as it had been not to open it all day, now that he was alone it was just as hard to open it. Fear and hope warred with each other in his chest, and he reached out several times, just to pull his hand back at the last moment.

It had been more than two years since he last heard of Bucky – James, he should now say, as Bucky was a name for family and close friends. After all the silence, Tony could say for sure that that was not what they were, not anymore. Or maybe Lord Barnes. James had never seemed the type to snub him, now that he inherited, but Tony had been wrong one too many times to truly believe it. He knew only too well the power of corruption wealth and title could have on a person.

He stared down at the letter. He knew he had to just open it and he would know, but the off-white of the letter loomed before him like the battlefield he thought he’d lost B- James to. Just on the corner of it, a tiny doodled wrench peeked, and that was what finally moved his hands.

He ignored the way his hands trembled as he opened the envelope, tearing it because of the trembles. He pulled out the sheet of paper, took a deep breath, and looked at it.

_My dearest Tony,_

_I hope I can still call you that. I do not even know how to start writing. It has been too long, and I am aware it is only my fault. Still, I ask you to be lenient with me, at least for the duration of this letter. After that I await your judgement with a trembling heart._

_I have received your letters. Steve has even kept the ones you sent during my captivity, and I read them back with a teary eye. I am sorry for how much you suffered, and I am beyond grateful that you have waited for me despite everything. I would do anything to spare you of your father; I would, if you let me still._

_I know I owe you an explanation. I will not apologize for being captured, as Steve has hit me on the head a few times already I have tried that, but I do need to apologize for the last year._

_It is hard for me to write this, because my pride keeps warring with my devotion to you. I want you to know that there were times when it was only the thought of coming home for you kept me going. I will spare you the details, but I wanted you to know that._

_Steve has been relentless in trying to get me to write, as he says you wouldn’t care, but Tony, my love, I am not the man I was before. I promised to care for you, but I cannot even dress myself. I have lost an arm in Spain, Tony. I will never again spin you around, or massage the tension from your shoulders as you work. I have trouble even writing this letter, as the paper keeps sliding around. You never know how important something was, until you lose it. I do not mean to complain, I merely want you to fully realize the extent of how much I have changed._

_Tony, I do not want to lose you. I love you with all my heart still, and when I cannot sleep at night, it is you I think about to keep myself occupied. But I cannot act like I am the person you have fallen in love with._

_I am not sure what more to say. I do not want to beg as I have promised to leave the choice in your hands, but I am not sure what else I can do. If you do decide you do not want me any longer, I only ask that you consider letting me be your friend. I could not bear it if I lost you completely, but if that is what you want, know that I will step aside and fade into the shadows. Some days I feel like I never left them anyway._

_It is unfair of me to tell you all this. I do not aim to turn your heart with my miseries. I truly wish you to decide only based on what you want. I will stop writing now and let you decide._

_Would you mind telling me about your days? Even if just as to your friend._

_With a hopeful heart,_

_Your Bucky, always_

Tony couldn’t stop a tear as it fell on the page and joined the smudges already there. With a hand still trembling, he reached out and pulled a clear sheet of paper towards him. He wet his pen and held it to his teeth for a moment before he started writing.

\--------------

“Stop fidgeting,” Steve poked him, and Bucky turned his glare at him. “Oh, come on,” Steve shook his head, “you know you’re ridiculous. The post won’t be here sooner just because you spill your coffee on yourself.”

“That is rich, coming from you,” Bucky snapped, but as soon as the words were out, he felt shame spread through him. “Sorry,” he muttered, looking away.

Bucky felt Steve sigh next to him and he felt even worse. It was not enough that he was here in Steve’s house, eating his food, even though he had a perfectly serviceable one, he was making his life harder with his temper, too. He did not know how else to be, though.

Ever since he came back his temper was short, and he could not even bare to be in the house he grew up in. It was just too big, too empty, and yet too full of memories. Memories of Tony, mostly, but also of Becca, who got herself married and moved across the country while he was not here. He did not fault her, not at all, after all, he would not have wanted her to put her life on a stop just because her big brother was not there, just. It served as a reminder of all he had missed, and lost.

And spending time with his Mother was not easy, either. His Father’s death took a toll on her, and he did not know how to support her while he was still in crumbles. So he fled, like a coward.

“Buck? Bucky!” Steve’s voice pulled him out of his increasingly darker thoughts. He was looking at Bucky like he’d been trying to get his attention for a while, that wrinkle between his eyes, and Bucky internally sighed. He was worrying Steve, too, now.

But on the table in front of them was a pile of letters, and he immediately forgot about everything else.

“Is there-” Bucky breathed, and Steve nudged a letter towards him with a smile.

Bucky took the letter with reverential hands. On the corner, almost invisible, was a doodle of a tiny robot, and he felt hope blossom in his chest.

He opened the envelope carefully, mindful of even a small tear, even though it was crinkled like all of Tony’s letters used to be. Inside, a single sheet rested.

He looked up at Steve, suddenly fearful.

“Stevie,” he started, hand trembling with minute movements. “What if…”

“Then you’ll know,” Steve looked at him, serious. “But you don’t have to fear that. Tony loves you just as much as he always did, and now he’s about to tell you himself.”

Bucky took a deep breath and nodded. If Tony did not want him, he would at least know.

_My dearest Bucky,_

_I have already resigned to calling you James. Why did you not write sooner? I only hope this time was not a fluke and that you will reply._

_You know I have fallen in love with all of you. I am crying now, thinking of how awful life must be for you, but please, do not think I would not love you for your injury. I have fallen in love with much more than your body; God knows you did the same. (Please do not let your Mother see this letter; I cannot imagine she does not still disapprove of my relationship with the Church, and I fear her no less than I used to.) Would you like me to tell you what I love about you?_

_I love your smile; I love your sharp mind. I love your sense of humour, as dark as it is, and I love how everyone finds it scandalous. I love your caring; I love your interest in my studies. I love that you do not have to pretend to find my inventions interesting, and I love that you would never mock me for them. I love that you stood up to my father even when you were barely taller than the back of your horse. I love that you took the tanning you got for it from your Father and still did it the next time. I love that you have been here for me as much as you could throughout the years, in person or through a letter. I love that you are courageous, and just foolhardy enough to let Steve yank you after him. I love your loyalty, and I love your sense of friendship. I love that you love me, and I very much want to spend the rest of my life with you._

_Do not think that I am not still very mad with you, though, because I am furious. I do not care about the time we spent apart during your captivity, because I can only be grateful that you made it back, but it has been a year, Bucky! At first, I excused it for you, because I could imagine the time it took to heal. But Steve writes me, Bucky. I know you have been healthy for over half a year, now. Why did you not write? Did you truly think so little of me? Did you think me so shallow? Is that what my letters conveyed?_

_I know all too well one’s mind can play cruel tricks, so I will even excuse some of those months. And do not think that I do not love you under the anger. But I can hardly think straight some days, I am so furious. I am willing to give you a chance, of course I am, how could I not, but you better work hard at it. I love you, but I am furious._

_You want to know about my days, though? I have finished university a few months ago, and now I am back at my Father’s house. I cannot say I enjoy it much, but I do still have my workshop, and I am thinking of moving away. It is truly only my workshop that keeps me here. The rest, I would not miss, maybe with the exception of Jarvis, but I cannot just move my workshop. It would take up a lot of space, and moving it or building a new one would be more expensive than what I can afford._

_Have Steve told you about Rhodey? I have met him at the University, shortly after your last letter. His name is James Rhodes, but I just could not call him James when you are already a James. He insisted I should not call him Rhodes, though, as that is so formal, so he became Rhodey._

_I think you would like him. He likes to mother me around as much as you do. Please do not share your techniques, though. I feel like that would be the end of productive workshop time._

_He offered to let me move in with him. He has a small flat in London, but he often spends time elsewhere, as he is in the Navy. He has a spare room I could use and that would place me away from my Father, but there is no place for my workshop there. I am also not quite sure it would be good for Rhodey. I know he loves me like a brother, but when he is with me, he spends all his time worrying about me. He needs to be able to focus on his own life._

_There is one other option I have. I have received an invitation from the University to teach mathematics. I could be the youngest professor, ever, if I accepted and kept at it, which, I have to admit, pulls me, but I am not sure this is the right answer for me. You know I am more interested in practical applications than the abstract, even if I am good at both. They have promised me space for a workshop there, so there is that, but I would still have to move or rebuild my workshop. I terribly want to move out of here, though._

_Tell me about how you are doing. I want to hear about you from you, not from Steve. The good, the bad, I do not care._

_Your love,_

_Tony_

_P.S.: Oh, I forgot to tell you about DUM-E. He is a robot, I am sure, even though very primitive. I think I finally managed to figure out how to build a complex enough machine for it. His cogs snag easily, though, so I cannot keep him in the house. All the fabric would get snagged in, and then not only would DUM-E stop working, but my Father would be furious. I cannot wait to show him to you._

Bucky was laughing and crying at the same time, but he could not care less.

“I love him so much,” he looked up at Steve, who beamed back at him.

“Told you so,” he said, smug, and Bucky could not even mind.

“He is angry, though,” he said.

“Thought he would be,” Steve nodded. “You weren’t very nice to him. But he will come around. You will just have to make it up to him.”

Bucky took a breath and felt like he could fly away with it. Tony still loved him, and there was nothing he could not do.

Then he looked down at his plate, and well. Maybe except cutting his food.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, please leave a comment! I don't like asking for it, but I really need to feel like I'm accomplishing something. I'll settle for incoherent screaming, too :D


End file.
